Archive | March 2012

How to Be More Interesting!

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A lot of people I know pretty much suck and can be very boring. But have no fear I am making a new blog post to show how you can alert people to see that you aren’t such a loser after all!! Also this isn’t a guide on how to be popular it’s how to be more Outgoing and attention grabbing!

  1. Bright clothes! (oh wow that guy must be happy about his life!!)
  2. Put a pencil behind your ear! Makes people wonder how smart you are!
  3. Always post your leg up on something! makes people question “man that guy is thinking deep!”
  4. Show people my blog! people will think you like interesting things!
  5. Avoid eye contact
  6. Tell people lies
  7. Lie about your life
  8. Start Rumors
  9. Judge people
  10. Eat strange and different looking salads
  11. Make loud and obnoxious noises
  12. Be a happy person
  13. Always put on hand sanitizer
  14. Tell people that your dad only drives German, Like Audi’s and Whatnot
  15. Carry around a paint brush, painting colors along the way!
  16. Don’t button up shirts
  17. Ask questions that blow people’s mind.
  18. Watch the sun-set and laugh historically
  19. Wear your back-pack on one shoulder
  20.  Pick fights with Nature, and win.

Good luck, Tools.

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A Haiku

 

Exceptional, yes

Lovely and handsome I wish

Follow your dreams, dog

 

How to Keep Cool! (temperature)

 

 

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Due to the fact that a lot of girls are starting to wear more inappropriate clothes, I have come to the conclusion that the outside temperature is getting warmer. Warmer temperature means warmer bodies and then we start developing sweat. Sweat is really gross and nasty, I suggest you all wear deodorant. Now ladies, a good bit of you are starting to lay outside in the sun and tan with your mother Elaine. I highly suggest you wear Sun-block. I don’t wish to continue talking about tanning and being safe, I am making this to show you how to keep cool and stay relaxed, not sweating and breathing heavily scaring away the more popular people.

 

  1. Always drink water. Very crucial don’t want to dehydrate 
  2. find a tree to lay under and read a book. 
  3. Wear a hat! It can be anything from a ball cap to a snap back(Ya dude snap backs dude)
  4. Eat a Popsicle! the cold snack will soothe throats and have you saying “ahhh!!” 
  5. Bring a small fan around to have the heat blasted away
  6. Wife-beaters. Have some air for you arms! 
  7. Ladies wear tank tops! We don’t mind as long as you look good! 
  8. hiring young children to fan you off with large plants and feed you grapes. like $15 an hour if you have the money
  9. Take a dip in the pool! just don’t pee in it, that will cause it to become more warm and nasty
  10. Maybe take a break and go inside an air conditioned room, Lady:”honey I think that man is homeless?” Man“nope he just read Steven’s blog and took his advice!” Lady“what a smart man!”
  11. Stay inside and play Mario Kart
  12. Wear a turban
  13. Avoid contact with the lava monster
  14. Have a fight with a hose or two.
 
Okay so these are the best tips and advice to stay cool, and not throw a fit about the heat. If I see someone saying “oh…. it’s hot!!” I’m going to be really upset and recommend you read my blog. 

 

How to get into a relationship!

 

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Yo what’s Gucci? just kidding, it’s a clothing brand. So alot of people are single which is sad 😦 so I want to give you the best advice to get into a relationship so you can pursue your way until further victory! this advice can not only get you a girlfriend/boyfriend but you will have a group of young Greek philosophers to write love stories about you(ex: The Notebook). Also if you are looking for someone that is the perfect match for you please go to E-Harmony. I am matching you with the right person, I’m telling you how to get the person.      

  1. Drive cool cars like Mustangs and Accord’s
  2. Ride shirtless on stallions always.
  3. Eat Steak and lobster everyday
  4. Buy her what she wants 
  5. Somehow pick up a Latino accent 
  6. Slick back your hair 
  7. Stare at them thighs
  8. Be Anthony Banderas
  9. Never finish your sentence, leave her hanging and thinking( Girls love that! trust me..)
  10. Tell her that you will marry her one day
  11. Don’t call her by her right name ( to busy thinking about you 😉 )
  12. Invite her fishing
  13. Fart in front of her (shows her that you are comfortable in front of her) 
  14. Slap her around ( let her know you are boss)
  15. Explain that she is the best carrier for your child
  16. Always sniff her hair, you want to know her scent
  17. Ignore her questions about if you want to meet her parents
  18. Let them know, what you are all about
  19. Show them my blog and say that it’s either me or this strange Steven kid
  20. Wear deodorant (don’t be a pig)

So good luck on getting into a relationship! I think that if you put your mind to it and try your best to explain why you think you are the best option to her, you might just be in there.  

Sunshine the Hipster

Sunshine the Hipster

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Everyday I would comb my hair in a new path to show my urban and hipster lifestyle. One day I decided to Part my Über successful hair in the middle and throw on some Denim cargo shorts. I went down to my chamber (basement) and opened up the fridge where my tuna salad was. I returned to my sister’s room and watched Zoey 101 and feasted on my tuna salad. I turned the volume up to a level were you needed to listen closely so you can’t make noise and eat but only to listen( which made eating hard because I was really hungry for my tuna salad but I mean I have to keep my hipster lifestyle). After finishing Zoey 101 I ate the rest of the tuna salad and got on my pocket bike and rode down to the dock. The dock was my favorite place of all time, dangerous part of town but very fun and easy going. When I arrived at the dock I saw some guys get out of a black car and walk over to a guy who was standing with a briefcase. The guy with the briefcase was immediately shot in the face, and in panic I pulled out my Lucky ninja throwing stars and threw them swiftly at the killers. Having bad aim and horrible physical condition the stars missed and hit a gas tank blowing up half the dock killing a factory of small Irish immigrants making Nail clippers for CVS. in the the two gun men started chasing after me when another ninja star ricochet off a crane and nailed me in the stomach, spilling out my tuna salad . when victims of this nasty incident the two men ran back to the car and drove away. I laid on the ground in pain cursing about the tuna salad, wondering why it would turn on me. I then died. 

THE END!!!

How To get Rich.

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Making 6 or 7 digits can sometimes be a struggle for the working class, but you don’t need to worry because I am going to tell you all about getting that cash money double stack racks on racks flow. Money just doesn’t grow on trees, or does it? Yes money does grow on trees! I’m talking about planting apple trees and harvesting the apples for your sale on them.

The Steps to Succes

  1. Have a great body! Modeling and looks will get your pretty much anywhere in life
  2. invest wisely! investing in cool stuff like Xbox and Myspace is probably a smart thing to do! 
  3. SAVE UP GOLD!! when the stock market crashes Americans are going to start using gold as currency
  4. Blue-Tooth headset! for hands free communication and smart looks! 
  5. Don’t have kids! Kids cost tons and tons of money! instead you get more $$$
  6. Time shares! Who wants to pay the whole price?!? 
  7. Pretend to be homeless! ehhhh spare sommmmmmee chhhhanngE??? “God bless this man!! heres a quarter!”
  8. Count cards! free money basically….
  9. Gambling!! just eat a bowl of Lucky Charms before
  10. recycle! Recycling is smart!! 
  11. Re-use! continue to use old water bottles!!! 
  12. Don’t drive trucks… trucks kill money and the atmosphere! instead buy a Prius and be like Jerry!! 
  13. make your own Pajama’s no need for Ralph Lauren brand silk pajama’s!!!
  14. Stay away from poor people!! if you here someone talking about NASCAR, you run, run and get somewhere safe
  15. Mugging people! just don’t get caught!! 
  16. babysit in free-time! 
  17. borrow friends movies and games!
  18. marry a rich man/women! 
  19. seduce Oprah
  20. Seduce Dr. Phil

Okay so basically these are the easiest ways to earn tons of money and get awesome cars like Lambo’s and what not! If you want to make money like by going to college and working hard for it, you are basically dirt water. No joke. I also suggest when you are super rich and injected up with Botox to hire young Lion tamers to keep count on your money! Good luck!

Struggles and Questions From Young Adults Like You

 

Okay! I would like to thank everyone who participated in this new segment! basically I asked people to ask me for advice, and more than just 3 people asked me for advice making me feel a little bit better about myself. I present!! 

 

” I’m adding decorative tile to my bathroom and need advice about which sorta design I should go with? Zigzags? Floral? Help!!”- Dustin, M

Hey Dustin! well being the expert on Bathroom designs like I am, I would suggest Zigzags. It’s more modern and hip, if you had floral everyone around you would probably assume you murder people for fun. 

 

 

“how do i get the old creepy men at Moe’s to stop flirting with me? Thanks!”- Hannah, R

less Revealing clothes, you’re welcome. 

 

 

“Dear Steven, My brother is so much better than me at World of Warcraft:(. Any tips?”- TheFierceWorgen123

Hello FierceWorgen123, first off you need to be up to date on all the greatest and latest technology. Quit school, find a comfortable time to sleep for 4 hours a day, and stock up on Potato chips. Once you have all these acquired, you should study and become one with your WoW character. 

 

 

“please give me advice on how to make my cat like me.”-Caroline, B

Hey Caroline! This question is easy, knowing me and Lucy are pretty cool. You should give it about 10 oz of catnip a day, make sure she is drinking plenty of milk and eating cheerios. also try having your cat pet you. It’s not just about you petting and grooming your cat, sometimes you can switch roles.

 

 

” how do I decide wether the weather is partly cloudy or partly sunny?!”- Connor, W

Hey great question Connor! First off I recommend you purchase an airplane and take samples of the clouds and air for each day everyday until airplane is stolen by the CIA. When you take the samples make sure you have each day and what is each. So for instance on day 3 you have 10% air but only 3% clouds. meaning its partial clouds.

 

 

“Dear Stevey, I really need advice on how to get closer with my grandma. Thanks!”- Monroe, R

Wow terrific Idea! I think being very close to grandparents are key! because soon they will pass away with you inheriting just about all their money! What I suggest is you buy her Depends, take her on walks, tell her that old people homes are for the devil, pour her a glass of wine everyday, and explain to her the relationship between Charlie and Mac on It’s Always Sunny. When she see’s you are being nice, she will change her will and have you usurp her money and all she owns! 

 

 I accidentally the wole thing! What do I do? :(“- Griffin, H

Find shelter, keep there for about a few weeks and try to remain hidden!!

 

 

“prom?”- Anonymous

no

 

 

Well there you have it guys! I sure do this advice I have shared with you works! and remember to Keep on keeping on. I also suggest more meat in your system for more protein and nutritions, for a healthy life style of course.