The day started as the day usually starts, The sun coming up, my father brewing his coffee, the aroma of fresh squeezed orange juice from our maid Senorita galleta, and let’s not forget my body awakening from it’s previous slumber. I realized that I almost had gone into a sad stage because last night I had a great, time, no, I had an amazing time at the disco. Charlie and I met soon with Kurt and Pete, as we made our way to K-mart to buy some boogie fresh tank tops and flairs so all the ladies would be like “DAMN!!!!!!!!, I have what he’s having!! You know what! I will have what he is having! Oh no, now I just wasted all this time talking about things that he may want and know he is gone!!!”. Meaning the boys would get little action, but I mean who needs action with ladies when you can disco that soul of yo’s brotha love!! When the four met at the disco they immediately went to the roller floor since that’s where the Anaconda Rwanda Riot Team(our roller team name) did best . Man and let me tell you, we funked all night! I mean I was funking with my boys and my boys were funking with me I mean I wish my parents where here to see me funked! We were nailing all our stunts and all our roller skill double absolute combo statue punctuation situations. By the end of the night, we were legends I mean one guy said how cute we are and we should come to his Van for Candy! Pete, Charlie and I weren’t hungry but Kurt was, he must have went home we didn’t see him the rest of the night. The remaining three of us soon went back to charlie’s house and his loving mom made waffle’s, bacon, and chicken strips! Charlie asked if we can spend the night but his sister read a study that it’s more likely to be murder’d in your house then being assassinated as the president of Hong-Kong, so the mother didn’t want any law suits. So I just went home, but as I walked home a lovely lady greeted me and we soon got talking but it was my aunt Susan, she was looking for crack, I didn’t know she still did crack, crack is bad if you ask me. When Susan left I made my way home where I fell in my bed and soon my eyes couldnt take it anymore and crashed into my brain while my body functioned in a way I cant control.
And that is my definition of sleep.
“well Steven you failed, this was not the project”- Mrs. Ugly face (she doesn’t get a name because I hate her)
“I mean I don’t really care I’m the one sleeping in 800 thread count sheets Mrs. Ugly Butt Monkey Face”- Me ( I totally got ISS)
How’s everyone doing? Just another thanks to everyone viewing my blog. It’s been a fun week for me, I discovered nutri-gram bars.
So, are you like ever at the club and yo boi comes up to you and he is like “yo man why you grinding up on ma gurl? like go get yo own girl, b4 we have a problem”
If so, man have you come to the right/ maybe and or possibly the wrong place!
- Don’t be a giant douche bag
- Maybe instead of Abrocrombie and Fitch wear some JC Penny clothes, who knows?
- Stay home and play video games
- Realize that you may just make a fool out of yourself and you are just wasting time trying to mess with people and pick fights, maybe you could just go try to meet some girls, that still doesn’t work? just come over to my house and play video games, it’s very fun.
- If you start getting angry go somewhere and just cry your eyes out.
- Give Casey a high five, she is good at that and she always keeps her cool!
- maybe when someone is making you really upset you can just ask them to shut their face.
- Read my blog
- make some pastries and eat them until all the sadness, anger, or whatever goes away so you can get back to hitting on girls 4 years younger than you in the public hot tub
- If someone is talking smack about you, just go slice their tires,
- have some hot babes rub oil over your shoulders and you breathe heavily like you are on round 4 of a boxing match
- play with Lego’s it will really get your mind set off things so you can build whatever, whenever!
- Don’t wear snap backs.
- If you see people wearing Nike high socks, just know they are already breaking tip #1 and #13 and follow #5
- Always have what I call a Hype buddy, when you get all whatever you’re feeling and want to calm down talk to the hype buddy, he/she will talk to you about their recent trip to the Doctor’s and you’ll be like ” what no way! since when did Dr. James get Polio?”
- Maybe make some arts and crafts? I bet your mother is dying for new pottery
- Just be a nice person, talk to people, Don’t point yourself out as the #1 king, it never works
- make sure you have at least 10 pictures of cute puppies on your phone, so when you want to be angry just be like one sec, I got puppies to look at. Man that puppy is cute
- Start a Rec volley ball team, those always work out to how they should be!!
- sign up for some sensual laser tag, I know what you’re thinking “woah Steven, that’s weird, what in the world is sensual laser tag?” Ill tell you what it is, it’s laser tag, but a bit more sensual and maybe more of a Matthew Mcconaughey or Catherine Zeta Jones look to it.
Hey thanks for reading this, it means a lot. If you like this blog be sure to bring it up at your next book club meet while your friend Saul is like “hey man this cookie cake is great! where did you get it” be like “Target, now go read Exceptional Yet Lovely!”
“Hey man!!! We gotta get out of here now!!!!! I just burned down this building man!!! and my DNA IS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE!! LET”S GO TO MEXICO NOW!!!”- Henry P
^^^^^^ “WRONG!!!!”- Steven K
See I just criticized that guy on my own blog, Yeah I do that stuff now, Jealous Becca? Or are you just at home send pictures of your earlobes to Spencer because you guys do weird unholy things like that. Okay. Let’s begin.
So, You just committed Arson, man you need to get away right? Yeah I got you covered. Just read this
- Gloves, DNA off your hands and on the gloves, after you the burning, burn the gloves, double arson, are you still single after double arson? I am 😦 things get pretty lonely for me 😦
- change your name to something no one would expect, I’m not giving an example because it’s what I would use and make up your own name you unrealistic fart
- use chevron gasoline, trust me its top quality!!
- always have a decoy, a runner, and a trapper, you will be in and out of there in no time with a fire in your background
- distract citizens and others with your friend playing some kind of new era hip/hop song a block away, people love this!!!
- pour tons of shampoo on yourself before you enter in the fire so the fire can’t harm you!
- Maybe if you’re into weird religions like paegons and stuff, sacrifice a body for good luck!
- Don’t do this if you’re pregnant!!
- if the police are like “Hey! did you just burn this building down?!!?” Be like “nah dog, that aint me!” and he will be like “No, I just saw you burn that down!” you will be like “NO way Pig, hey read this latest post on Exceptional Yet Lovely!!” and the pig will be like “I Love this blog! did you know I share and RT it because I’m a nice person and I want everyone to see the blog so one day Steven can eat steak instead of Eggo waffles wrapped in cheerio bracelets” boom you already ran off!!
- a bottle of water so if the fire gets to intense, just poor it out and poof the fire is gone! Am I right Siegel?
- Summon a Pegasus to grab you and fly out of the burning building to safety!!
- Don’t move around much inside the fire, you may catch on fire and I don’t want to lose a friend, okay 😦 I already lost Ted. RIP Ted, love you bro.
- Shave your whole head!
- Eat a hearty breakfast!
- Avoid Fatty foods like Cookie crisp
“Wow Steven, this blog entry sucked!! are you running out of Ideas? Get some new material you sell Out!!”- Laura
Okay, Laura, that was mean 😦
“Hey dude! this blog entry rocked! really made me think more about Buddhism”- Dmizzle
Haha NO probs D
“Hey do you still have that tractor?”- Earl
Who are you?
Join me next time on my blog when I discuss about other things
Hey first off, thanks for reading, second I want to talk to you all about something serious. It’s called spreading the word. I want all of you who reads this to show it to your friends, RT it, post it on a forum space, make URL copies and post them over town, I’m talking about making merchandise and selling that ish! Okay? Don’t make merch, you don’t have the copyright for that.
“This blog has all of Nigeria Shaking!!”- White Oprah
“this blog has the mooOOooOOOOOoooves like jager!!”- clay Aiken
- Always clean your eyes out, great looking eyes lead to great looking friends and that means you get good looking friends!
- guys: slick your hair back and let it flow in the back, man you are soo adventuress!!
- Sundresses are cool!! adds effect you know
- Have your friends put you on What Not To wear
- slide tackle your way through a Sears outlet mall and you will be covered in a great variety of clothes, perfumes and just looking more dapper than ever!
- True Statistic: you become 2% more healthier when you read my blog
- Every night clean your toes with Dr.pepper mixed with fanta, relaxes and has them looking better than ever
- Ask your mom for her Moose, I know she has some!! Kayla….
- Look up pictures of your favorite models and do opposite.
- Plastic surgery
- ask your parents to rebirth you because they did an awful job the first time… Talking to you Trish and Ken
- angle your pants and if will cause a reflection off your face which will make you look 3 lbs lighter.
- get facials done so you can get rid of that disgusting crap off your disgusting face
- You know when are brushing your teeth before you go somewhere, do it like 10 more times so you don’t have worms crawling through there.
- always smile! smiling makes you look better
- BOTOX IT UPPPP!!!
- drinking martini’s will increase your looks
- in a crowd of people make it look like you have the most interesting things to say. People will always want to come up to you since you stand out positively and you probably wont talk about your uncles muscles or something. Weird right?
- a nice tight fitting shirt around the arms and shoulders with a little bit of a loose angled part around the waist will do wonders.
Next Blog: Public Speaking
“Hey man, want to go see the Martha Stewart band?”
“the what band?”
“Oh it’s just this band you probably never heard of”
Hey, do you want to be that guy? The mysterious yet sexy yet under fashion yet over fashioned person?
Don’t worry Kimosabi, I got you covered, smothered and scattered. (I’m not waffle house)
- Get rid of your tube socks. Go buy some cool socks from Gap, low price and people will think you listen to Passion Pit or something
- Avoid talking to young people. always put yourself in an older crowd. Woah that guy is like 17 but he is friends with 40 year olds?!!?!? What a Hipster!
- You can always blog! Hey whoa you have a blog? is it about Russian revolutions pro’s and cons?
- start a petition to save animals
- Go green
- always go to the Zoo and just stare at animals and be like “man I look so much like James Franco right now”
- Take name brand medicines when you are sick, they work better and are more effective, this is not blog related I just want people to stay healthy.
- Read my blog
- Don’t shop at Wal-mart,CVS, or Target. Walgreens and Costco are good!
- go to a party and see what people are doing, DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE, Just go and stand in the corner and look at plants people will be more than wanting to come over and talk to you.
- Don’t answer questions, just smile, Creepy but works
- Read HotRod books, cool cars and who does that? No one. Tell me one person who reads Hot rod books besides my dad
- shush people, you got things to listen to
- Eat Papaya
- Look like all your clothes come from a 30’s thrift store but cost department prices.
- Drive Subaru
- always part your hair in the direction of the sun and when it sets it comes from the other part. magical I know but somehow Hipsters can do it.
- Listen to One Direction, people will be like you listen to them??!? but hey those boys make some damn good music!
- just look at books in a large public area and pretend you are reading them, it adds intelligence and wisdom to your mysteriousness
- Latte art! rage and sensation right now in hipster business!!
Thanks for reading! be sure to share this with your friends and family! RT it on twitter and shout it out on my Zoosk.