Archive | July 2012

How To Be A Wizard

 

 

Hey, Always wanted to cast spells and make potions and help the ones around you? Well Don’t Uncle Bruce, maybe if you didn’t drink so much at family occasions I would show you! 

 

 

  1. Obtain the Enchiridion 
  2. Read the Enchiridion
  3. Ignore Harry Potter. 

Good luck!! I love you all 🙂

How to be a Redneck

 

 

Hey what’s going on! I hope you’re not smoking Crystal Meth, That stuff is bad for you!! STOP SMOKING METH!! Ligten up and maybe start going off meth doing small amounts of other smaller drugs! Who knows just stay away from METH!!! 

  1. Wear Cowboy boots! 
  2. Go fishing off a pier! catch a fish and cook it! unless you’re sanitary! 
  3. Some people wear the hat for a long time, a lot of people say it’s old but I call it vintage. My mother Trish made me say this. 
  4. Go to like every country concert around you even though you probably don’t know any of their music
  5. Don’t recycle, throw everything anywhere! 
  6. Move out from metro Atlanta, I don’t think you can be country and live in Atlanta. 
  7. Yo dog put some 28’s on your truck tires and lift it up really really big!! 
  8. put on like 30 pounds and wear camo hats and hit on younger girls! It always works! 
  9. Have a lot of kids and don’t take care of them! 
  10. Buy a TV and never set it up! it’s got suspense and whatnot! 
  11. Tell the whole world you voted for George Bush
  12. Tell the whole world you hate Obama
  13. try to go to the public library and maybe read my blog, I don’t think you will learn any country tips besides this, because if anything It teaches you not be country! 
  14. Don’t finish High School! Just try not to have an education at all!! Auto Shops sure are fun to work in!!! 
  15. The fewer teeth the better!!! who needs teeth when you can have cute breathe that smells bad and have all dem yung gurls want to drink your KeyStone light with you! 
  16. Don’t bathe, why take showers when you will always be outdoors getting all muddy since you are on ATV’s or playing mud fights with your friend Curtis Lee
  17. GO to NASCAR races! I mean NASCAR is probably the world’s most interesting sport, So do it! 
  18. Again! Education isn’t needed!! Waffle House is definitely hiring!! 
  19. always explain your theory on how Tim Allen is always going to remain superior to his co-workers
  20. Decorate your house Mountain Dew! I mean! That stuff is amazing! It’s really good for you too

Hey, I hoped we all learned something from this blog today! 

NO?!?! 

Well this sucks!! I made it to educate you all 😦 now I have no hope and have to get back to work on my farm.