Letter to my Son

 

 

Hello George, since that’s what you will be named! Today I am writing this note for you to read when times are important and your questions mean so much! So basically you are living life right now in either Seattle or Toronto, if not those cities just anywhere away from the cesspool South, unless we are living there, then hey, it’s probably not bad! Our house is probably very big and I have hopefully made it big selling tooth or producing commercials for Rite-Aid. If not, I hope that we are in Maine! living in Bar Harbor selling lobster and clam chowder!(the secret ingredient is nacho cheese). Now George, what matters most in life is getting the ladies, here is the 3 steps you need to know!

  1. Swagger, wear whatever the cool kids are wearing
  2. Just be a complete tool, jerk, idiot, or communist wanna-be in front of them!(They love it! I witnessed it a lot as a child, myself)
  3. When you get invited to parties, you bring the Natty ice and just outdrink everyone! Your bladder will explode, but hey? What’s more important, a good figure or ladies?

If you fail this you will probably going to be upset and lonely, thus making you adopt a kid like I did. Oh yeah, I was making this to tell you that you’re adopted! Well I just about goofed this one up, son! Or should I say George, I guess? yeah, this is getting to a point of awkwardness. Any how I am probably still single and every now and then I would love to enjoy a nice Cuban flat bread!

Best of Luck Son!

Love,

Dad(Steven)

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