Archive | August 2013

The Steven Spielberg of hats

“Hey Daniel, what’s happening?”

“Not much just wearing my new hat”

“Wow man that hat is awesome”

“Thanks man it’s the greatest hat on earth”

“I wouldn’t go that far with it”

“My Dad said it was the Steven Spielberg of hats”

“Well it definitely inst”

“Well it definitely is”

The two boys stare into each others eyes until Craig’s eyes water and pour out blood

“okay you win Daniel, your hat is the Steven Spielberg of hats”

“Daniel walks up to Craig and whispers in his ear ”

“More like the Tarantino of hats”

Daniel and Craig haven’t talked since

“Well I hope you liked it” Josh Brolin emerges from his rocking chair putting the crusty old book back on the shelf

“Dad who is Tarantino?”

Josh Brolin leaves the room, turning the lights off creating the room into an abyss

“Dad, wait!”

The door locks and suddenly the TV emits Kill Bill vol. 2

“Dad this isn’t funny!”


Over your shoulder (ft. Niki Minajjjjjjj jr)

dentyneThe bell rang like any bell would ring on a Tuesday at 3 pm, mainly because every Tuesday a bell rings at 3 pm in the Wilmington school district. Lars adjusted himself publicly while a pair of twins from afar stared sensually as he finished.

“Lars what’s down there anyways? A jar of coins?” Alezander the school fatty chimed in

“It’s my manhood, they had a question and I had an answer, you got that? If not you should try fitting another piece of pound cake in your face”.

Alezander slowly spit out the rest of his pound cake

Lars made his was out the door onward to his 2003 Honda Accord where he would meet up with his bipolar friend Brad.

“Hey Lars how’s it hanging?” Brad knuckled touched Lars completely over his fists

“Pretty good. but I got to get home and send in my transcript to Mark Salzberg”

Brad looked away and popped a Dentyne Ice

“Brad think I can get one of those?”

Brad looked over his shoulders, “Yeah man, for sure”

the bottle poured over Lars hand until none came out

“weird man I just got this yesterday” Brad looked into the bottle and a slow tear came out

“brad, my boy, my bro, my friend, my homo sapien, my boy, you aren’t addicted are you?

Brad pushed Lars into his car, “Listen to me you overrated bigot, you got only 10 cents worth of ideas and 10 cents only so hand me over that 10 cents and I can buy a new bottle, ya hear?”

Brad’s hand gripped a knife that slowly poked at Lars

“Brad let go, you’re hurting me, what about our friendship?”

“What about it? My only friend is Dentyne ice, we’ve been friends for years, and I know for sure Dentyne Ice doesn’t go to the poser school Mark Salzberg College of Science and History, nah Dentyne ice goes to Jim settler’s”

Brad pushed the knife into Lars’s stomach and takes his 10 cents, with a swift exit Brad falls back into the bushed where he makes his escape

“My Future, my goals, my hopes and dreams…..crushed” Lars lays dying as his hands grip a Mark Salzberg folder

salzberg 1