Archive | December 2013

What I did in 2013

 

Yo i didn’t sit at home watching Godfather movies and playing battlefield of duty. I was out making paper and stacks. So here is a list to show you what I did. Enjoy it hosers. 

  1. I traveled to Kenya and saved thousands of locals from bee infested homes
  2. I rode horses with the entire cast of “america’s next top model”
  3. bare knuckled boxed Mandela (RIP)
  4. spent $600 on a pair of designer jeans I made myself, thank you self. No problem self 
  5. Alexander Ovechkin and I watched Taken  2
  6. eat a tube of chap stick 
  7. 3 girls begged me to draw them as Jasmine from “Aladdin” I didn’t do it! I was busy with getting to the cinema to watch hamlet 
  8. Defeated a dragon and mounted it’s head on my uncle’s wall in his basement
  9. I birthed my own child, I defied physics and yes I a male birthed little Davey
  10. bought a Nintendo game cube in mint condition 
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Steven Kootz

Young man, brave heart, and overall musically talented Steven makes a list abut his personality and traits. Enjoy

Image

Strengths:

nice guy

cooks a mean bratwurst

Can out bench press any of his friends

love stapling papers together

can massage a girls back for hours

blue eyes

traditional father

won’t call you out for the obvious

Swedish girls love me

Overall winner

soft skin

spits game

“hater proof”

brave enough to put mustard on anything (as long as its spicy)

owns four V-necks

Is okay if you’re into necromancy

super good rep w/ Nike clothing apparel

wears contacts

has the baddest chick around

doesn’t break glass

won “Most athletic” for Pope high school class of 2013

killer blog

steven aaah

 

Weakness: 

listens to NPR

doesn’t wear beanies

would rather eat a banana than flank steak (POTASSIUM)

speaks poor english

will steal your girl

Caroline Morrison hates me 😦

has like 30 cousins

doesn’t act his age

Caucasian

male

sensitive teeth

lack of facial hair

surplus of leg and stomach hair

eats way to much onions

VitruvianMan

 

Physical features:

Height: 6’2″

Weight: 185 lbs

sexy biceps

traps are super fit, can shoulder shrug 2 plates all day

lack of six pack

size 12 feet

hair: thick and german

long nails

ponytail

golden ratio nose

lips are softer than suede and smoother than brick oven pizza

thum

Likes: 

clean cut jeans

GAP

cats

Ford Fusions

Dustin Mizelle’s compliments

Persian girls

sneezing

talking to strangers

thighs

Bonsai tree

Long chins

yelling “BANG BANG” and dancing by himself

animal crossing

toes

getting picked up at airports

Dislikes: 

getting laughed

noogies

mackelmore

not fly enough to join wiz California and his bois

food stamps

China

being on World star

flossing

his bank account

lack of ability to skate board

urine

Motivation: 

any woman with a good C-section story

Lord of the Rings

Ryan gosling

Nick names: 

Stevey J

Old Dutch

Pastor ape killa

dumb ass

Super bowl rings: 

0

$25 Williams somana gift card