I believe that I , Steven Kootz, has what it takes to make it in the NFL as a quarterback
You heard it ladies, I have what it takes. I know what plays my future team(probably the Vikings lol) will need to run to score all them TDs.
1. Athleticism- I am super athletic, I’ve played over 4 sports, 5 total growing up. Swimming, baseball, basketball, hockey, and of course football. I have such a variety of athleticism, ESPN has called me the white Deion Sanders, as well as referring to me by my name Steven Kootz, because I’m soon to be the greatest.
2. Agility- I race Steads every Thursday, you think some pity pass rusher can tangle me up in his big strong arms? probably not.
3. Brains- I’m smart, I know who to throw it to. I know where the defense is at all time. I know everything, even where the treasure buried at Lambo field.
4. equipped with weapons- that’s right, I have a knife hidden in my thigh pads, I’ll stab you if I feel like it’s appropriate.
5. I look beautiful in a football jersey- stack me up in some pads and pull that jersey over, you like? Yes, yes you do like. And you know what, I will accept that endorsement offer from Curtis Lindenstein’s hair gel for $8 million
6. I’ll be rich- I’ll probably set up a 401k plan just for Ferraris.
7. Beautiful face- I’m gorgeous
8. training- I train for 9 days of the week, 9 DAYS? Yeah 9 days, I defy physics and reality and break into other dimensions and spend my time there training.
9. I got a guy who can sell me some Tom Brady blood- Blood transfusions so I’ll always be in tip top shape
10. American citizen- That’s right, I Steven Kootz was born in the United States.