Archive | May 2014

How to piss off your Dad

angry dads**Disclaimer: Hey Dad(Ken), this has nothing to do with you, I’m just writing a weird story and making stuff up, so don’t ground me**

Dads are like animals. They eat, sleep, and yell at their children. So let’s face it, dads are just always in a pissy mood, or at least mine is. Last night my dad cancelled my HBO subscription, because my After Hours entertainment was running the DVR full and he couldn’t watch Survivor or Everyone Loves Raymond. From Dads having great taste in Eddie Bauer and whatever their wife buys them off the TJ Maxx clearance rack, their clothing only makes their anger strive for more hilarity.



1. Fill his lawnmower up with mountain dew instead of gas

Dads strive off great looking lawns, if his lawnmower isn’t starting, smelling like a cheaply made soft drink for the least, He is going to get pissed. He might throw your PS3 into the tiny man made lake behind your Aunts house, so just keep your skyrim data loaded on an extra flash drive just in case, Don’t worry bro, I got your back.

2. Punch him square right in the balls

BAM! shot to the nuts, that would piss me off!

3. Don’t do good in school

Just don’t even go to class, what are you learning about? How Society has evolved from different parts including 5 different stages like Hunting and Gathering, which was a small nomadic setting in which few people lived about, either hunting or gathering for resources. Another stage being the Pastoral & Horticulture, Pastoral of course died out, but Horticulture started Permanent settlements and started the use of hand tools.  Society then turned into an Agricultural system, creating the plow, making a surplus of food and a small development of cities.  Let’s not forget the 3rd social reform, the Industrial society.  The industrial society started family wages, people moved in from farms to cities, wealth accumulation started to take hold, women too even got to become involved in making terrible money and working as sloths in a factory, and lets not forget the Inequality that developed.  Post industrial societies started after the industrial revolution, which created a storage and database of knowledge, aka YouTube and Hotmail. The last reform, which can be controversial at times according to different theorists, is the Biotech-biochemical society.  This society can alter plant/ animal genetics for the purpose of creating food, medicine, and materials.  Wow, wait that is some really interesting stuff, actually. Hey bro, maybe you should go to school, pursue your dream of art school or whatever.

4. Ruin his Roller Coaster Tycoon progress

Go on to his work laptop from 2003 and and just start wrecking his park, I mean start putting people in the fountain, don’t sell delicious food, honestly just delete the desktop icon, no way he will go to his C:/ file-Downloads, and drag it back onto his desktop.

5. Call his golf game bad

Let him know who is boss

6. If he looks at you, tell him he doesn’t know how to use an iPhone

Dads love iphones, they sit on that bad boy 8 hours of their day, playing angry birds and any other app that gets them from having to talk to their wife.  Saying this will make your pops furious, he might even download more apps to just show off his cloud data bragging rights.

7. Call him an environmentalist

Your dad probably voted for Reagan, not some Nancy green party douche bag Al Gore. Saying this to your dad is like telling a manager of Walmart an Associates degree is the same thing as a GED.

8. Buy Frozen

why would he want to watch that movie? I thought it would be a great movie for us to enjoy dad, but noo you gotta watch your weekly rerun of the Soup Nazi.

9. use his credit card to buy a plane ticket to Oslo

Yeah dad I want to travel to Oslo, I heard its beautiful and my cyber girlfriend Charlene lives there, her pro pics are hot, but I’m only expecting a 6/10, which doesn’t bother me, because she gets me

10. use his chapstick

hahaha can you say ew?! Honestly it just irritates me when people use my chapstick, so maybe try this one out?

Hope you guys enjoyed my post!

Hey Danny Lumberg, I know you didn’t invite me to your Bar mitzvah, don’t be an ass, I made out with your ex girlfried, but what do you expect? I’m a stallion that runs across water, breathing fire, with my hair flowing in the wind.